Going through it and growing through it

I know this is awful. I hate doing a personal blog post out of my head because everything is so much messed up here that I go through minor panic attacks all the time.  
Now, what is going on? This year is over halfway through and my progress has been next to nothing. 
I could literally hire someone over Fiverr and do more work in a month than I have done in the last 6 months. The only excuse I have is that when I started I had no clear goal but then again I'm still so far behind my schedule. 
Now in an attempt to hopefully possible conclude something out of my introspection, I plan to sort things out from this blog post. 
I have gone through numerous Book and Ted Talks and similar videos and I even get motivated enough to start again but this rush might get over soon. Not that I know what is wrong and what is not but I don't seem to be listening to myself. I'm not rewarding myself either for bad behaviour. In short, it's like losing a battle by fighting within myself. 
That's the perfect explanation I could layout and I don't like it either. Things need to change.

Currently reading: 4 Hour Work Week

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